Everything at the Creamery is two and a half bucks, I swear. Okay, yogurt is fifty-three cents (when it's on sale) and tomato sauce is twenty-nine cents a can, but just about everything else hovers permanently around that somehow magical price of $2.50.
You don't believe me? Let me prove it.
Yesterday I went shopping at the beloved Creamery on Ninth--also known as BYU's sneaky way of stealing a lot of money from freshman by forcing them to buy a meal plan. Anyway, there are a few reasons I don't like shopping. First of all, I only shop at the Creamery. (You're probably thinking: "Duh, shop somewhere else, you big whiner." Please, keep reading.) Of course, I could drive to Macey's or some other grocery store with cheaper food--after all, that's how my five older sisters made it through freshman year just fine--but I have to spend my meal plan money somewhere, and I'd rather get fruits and veggies from the Creamery than fast food from the Cougareat. I intensely dislike supporting the Creamery when it's cheating me out of a lot of money--thirty bucks a week, to be exact--in the form of a so-called "helpful" meal plan. Thirty bucks on groceries. One of the "aims of BYU" certainly isn't to teach its students thriftiness, that's for sure. Rather, I think the underlying message BYU Management is sending is, "We want money. When we get the poor little freshmen addicted to convenience (aka the Creamery), we'll make bank. And that's what we want--money. Money. Good thing we have a monopoly, because I'm hungry for the dough. Bring it on." Thus we see the evil hand of monopoly conveniently stocking their entire shelves with name-brand items, cranking up the prices of nearly every item in the store (with the possible exception of milk and bananas). Oh, and on a personal note, the baskets at the Creamery make my hands reek like old, nasty metal. It's bad enough to have to walk out thirty bucks poorer, but finding your hands smell metallic as well? Come on. Have the decency to care just the tiniest bit about teenagers who have scrimped and saved through minimum-wage-paying summer jobs to experience dorm life their freshman year at college. Then again, I don't think that word--care--is in their vocabulary.
The only plus about shopping at the Creamery is that I don't have to pay tax. Whoopdeedoo.
But I digress. Back to my shopping trip yesterday. Since I eat a lot of PB&J, I need to re-stock on both of those. I find them on the shelf. The price of peanut butter: $2.65. I move over to the jam: $2.69. After loading tomato sauce and yogurt into my basket, I go to the dairy aisle. One gallon of skim milk: $2.39 (a surprisingly good deal and a rare find amidst the surrounding jacked-up priced items). Grabbing a jug, I glance at my shopping list (Ryan, please take note) and head over to the cereal. Last week I finally finished the last of my box of Cranberry Almond Crunch which Janel and Mark gave me for my birthday; I've been rationing that little piece of heaven very carefully to make it last as long as possible. Anyway, I am pleasantly surprised to discover that Life is on sale. Only since I moved out have I realized how pricy breakfast cereal can be. I grab a box of Cinnamon Life and look at the price: $2.49. What is it with this store? Sheesh! Why is two-fifty the magic number? Oh, wait, I know why. Two-fifty is the Creamery's favorite number because that's how much they can squeeze out of everyone without causing a rebellion (i.e. three bucks is much too much to pay for jam or peanut butter, but $2.50? Not too bad. In fact, it's a pretty good price, right? Actually, it's probably a great deal! I should get all the peanut butter for my food storage right now!...right.). In fact, this number haunts me outside of the Creamery, too! Today I was filling up beloved Baby Blue with gas. As I went to reset the tripometer, I looked at the dials to see how many miles I had driven on this tank. You'll never guess: 259.9 miles. I couldn't believe my eyes for a sec. What are the chances? ...or maybe it's not so coincidental as I think it is... Kind of creepy, I know. But whatever it is, I can't seem to get away from this two-fifty number, and it's starting to weird me out.
Anyway, back to the Creamery. I remember I need to buy syrup since I don't have any (and realize that's why I only eat cereal and toast for breakfast everyday--because who wants to eat pancakes or waffles plain?). Syrup: (on sale) $2.29 (originally $2.49). That's it. I am not spending ten bucks on four freaking things at two-fifty each! And BYU is supposed to be the Lord's university... Sometimes it seems more like the university of greedy, monopolizing policy-makers.
Maybe I'll forget the whole speech pathologist thing and go into business or economics. Then I can show BYU up and take out their precious Creamery. Better yet, I'll just go into law and sue them for stealing from freshmen. Their bank account is certainly big enough.