Monday, December 31, 2007
To me, my sister Becca is the person who epitomizes New Year's Resolutions. During high school, every night before she went to bed, Becca faithfully did her pushups. Without fail. I'm serious about this. I remember her doing pushups in a tent while we were camping, in a hotel room, when we slept over at anyone's house, and even when she was sick and had thrown up earlier that day. The craziest thing of all was that each time January 1st came along, she upped the number of pushups she was doing by ten. Yep, that's how you spell crazy. Or at least dedicated in a warped sort of way. She left the rest of us amateurs in the dust when she made the transition from the New YEAR's Resolutions to the bigger and better LIFE Resolutions. She was doing eighty, ninety, one hundred pushups a night in her teens; I envisioned her as a fifty-year old doing pushups for hours every night! Sheesh! Luckily she got married and Jordan has tempered her a bit... Thinking back, I wonder how I ever got past my guilt complex of watching her do pushups every night while I lay, an unexercised blob, in my bed... I guess I justified that just watching her made me feel as tired as if I were doing the pushups myself and practically counted anyway!
Obviously, physical goals haven't proved that long-lasting or life-altering for me. Although I do remember when I used to lift those black ten-pound weights every night, and I went through a phase when I did those pincher/grip things for basketball. Maybe that's when I started being proud of my handshake... And I still do my calf exercises every time I brush my teeth, much to the amusement of my roommates and family. So I guess some things, remnants of past resolutions regarding physical activity, have rubbed off on me. But for the most part, I'm better at eating goals. (Please await my next upcoming blog on the subject.)
Lest you think I am a perfect heathen, I have "succeeded," if you will, with at least some of my goals. Becca and my "no-chocolate" goal while Krista was on her mission was a smashing success. I still haven't ever bought anything out of a vending machine, and I've written in my journal every single day (except one) since I moved out. But some goals will be on my List of Goals until the day I die...and I probably won't ever achieve any of them. These vague "unachievables" include: get into bed earlier, read my scriptures in the morning, be more punctual, keep my room cleaner, do my jobs before Mom asks me to, exercise more, don't pick at my split ends, and a multitude of other bad habits. Ah me.
But there is hope: A few months ago I came across this quote by Joseph B. Wirthlin when we were studying the Conference talks for Institute.
"I urge you to examine your life. Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be. Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that fire your imagination and create excitement in your heart. And then keep your eye on them. Work consistently towards achieving them... In other words, never take your eye off the ball."
--Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, April '07 General Conference
Hope? I'd call it more of a guilt trip....guilt trip...guilt trip... I don't know if I would exactly call flossing an "inspiring, noble, and righteous goal that fires my imagination..." Oh dear me. But obviously I should floss, and if I don't have a goal to floss every day, I could very well end up flossing a mere time or two every month! Then I'd have cavities and it would cost Dad money and I'd feel guilty about wasting his money when I could have prevented it and no one wins. What to do.
Then there are the other troubles I have with making goals--in a rare moment of ambition, I make a huge long list of things I want to do differently and change and include in my life and take out of my life and whatnot and the list is so long that I end up getting pretty much none of them accomplished. Sheesh. And, if I ever manage to select just a few goals to focus on, I follow them religiously, sometimes to a fault. Not like I would know from experience that reading scriptures at three in the morning when you can barely focus your eyes to read the words on the page isn't too helpful to overall spirituality... It's the principle of the thing, right? Right. ...or is it? Other times I end up rationalizing: I should just go to sleep and read in the morning when I can actually get something out of it. This seems (and is) very rational. But, nonetheless, I still have to read at least a verse or two just so I can say I've read the scriptures every day of my life since I was thirteen. Inside, I know it doesn't really matter...but it does...and thus I still stay up night after night, reading and re-reading the same verses over and over again and not getting anything out of it.
Well, there's my lengthily discussed dilemma. I'm open for suggestions and comments and ideas and anything else that might help me in my predicament and need for a balance between reality and aspiration.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Immune system, hold out--please
Nights at the library 'til two a.m.
Lack of sleep and regular meals
Soon it will all be over
As my roommate Kristen (K-bob)'s professor reminded her students the other day: C's get degrees.
Maybe I should post that all over my apartment and in my room and on my binder and in the office in the library. Or I could just staple it to my forehead.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
The most recent breakdown update is: our oven is broken. Suffice it to say... hopefully no one has to bake anything anytime soon. I'm just glad it happened tonight after I was done making biscuits and a casserole for dinner group tonight! (Wow, doesn't that sound domestic...I am so proud of myself. Please just ask Ryan how the biscuits turned out. And ask how many he had. In one sitting.)
These are the days when I am oh so glad I live in Provo and can go home where everything works properly. Oh, wait, the car I drive--good ol Baby Blue--died this week...I guess I'm stuck here after all. Oh well. Maybe it will make me study more for finals, right?
Saturday, December 01, 2007
--hearing Christmas music on the radio (excluding cheesers like "Santa
Baby" and "Hey, Santa")
--the end of my first semester of college
--singing Christmas hymns and carols
--being able to enjoy my first true Christmas break since the sixth grade
--the kitchen table on Christmas morning
--watching It's A Wonderful Life
--Dad and Kim's annual recitation of Luke 2 around the Christmas tree
--reading books for fun (this includes finally finishing the last hundred
pages of Les Mis)
--decorating my dorm with Christmas happiness
--cheesy Christmas sweaters
--watching Dad laugh his head off at Scrooge's pithy lines
--moving back home for a few weeks
--not working at a restaurant during the holidays!!
--trying to play the Nutcracker piano duets
--saying "Merry Christmas" to the checker in the grocery store and other
random people I don't even know
--the Men's Chorus Concert
--reading through the box of Christmas books for the hundredth time
--listening to Kim sing "Star of Bethlehem"
--hearing Dad retell the story of the Christmas china
--getting slaughtered at Rummikub by Uncle Lloyd on New Year's Eve
--not having to go to the stake dance on New Year's Eve!!!
--having a positive attitude when we go Christmas caroling as a family
--watching the First Presidency's devotional
--sitting by the Christmas tree in the dark
--getting my hair cut and donating it to Locks of Love
--chilling with the fam
--re-reading the Christmas story in the scriptures
--drawing closer to the Savior
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
1. make a hairball
2. cut off split ends
3. eat graham crackers and milk
4. talk with my roomies
4 Things I Want
1. a private jet
2. an ipod
3. a laptop
4. a Segway scooter
4+ Things I Have Never Done:
1. bought anything out of a vending machine
2. watched Sesame Street
3. eaten a churro
4. gotten a speeding ticket or been pulled over
5. pulled a true all-nighter
6. eaten Dip'n'Dots
7. broken a bone or gotten stitches (except for Wisdom Teeth and that doesn't count)
8. fallen asleep in class or while reading a book
4 Things I'm Not Proud Of:
1. I have had lice before
2. I cheated on a test in 7th grade Health
3. I had my first cavity last year :(
4. I seriously almost ran over a fellow college student in the parking lot the other day
4 Jobs I've Had:
1. Weekly housekeeper at Bill Korn's house. Shoot me now. Thanks to him, I now enjoy a strong aversion to cleaning coffee makers. Although he did give me an attractive pair of slippers that I still wear. Later I started working for Grandmother, and apart from being much better company, she--without fail--gave me a yogurt every Saturday along with my pay. (If you don't believe this, ask Heather. She will attest.)
2. Bussing tables at Magleby's. Doc: "You better be on time...or I'll smack ya!"
3. Server at the B.O. No comment.
4. Throughout my sophomore, junior, and senior years my weekly Saturday job--which I usually completed one out of every three weeks--was to be in charge of the upstairs living room/piano area. This entails: vacuuming with both the big and little vacuums (and moving all the furniture which of course I never did), dusting (organ, fake plants, piano, pictures...Mom could always find somewhere I missed), cleaning the windows (inside and out, including the sliding glass doors which never were clean from about two feet down, thanks Jacob, Sage, and Eliza :) ... or maybe it was just because I never cleaned them!), and watering the plants. I was pretty proud of myself that I didn't kill all of the live plants we own. In fact, only one died during my entire three years of stewardship, and it was ugly anyway. The Christmas cactus that Rich gave Mom two years ago is still alive, thank you very much. It's a cactus, but still. I didn't kill it.
4 Most Common Cravings For This Week:
1. pumpkin custard
2. pumpkin custard
3. pumpkin custard
4. blackberry pie
4 Special Features of My Apartment
1. Apartment? What apartment? I'd call it a dungeon. 40+ year-old Heritage Halls and its lovely cinder block walls have never been especially well-known in creating a hospitable and friendly atmosphere... Being in the basement doesn't help much either. It doesn't help that if you step out our back door you are immediately greeted with pipes, a carpet-less floor due to the flooding last month, furnaces emitting rattling noises, literal "cages" where everyone keeps their extra junk that doesn't fit under their bed, the piano room, and of course the washers and dryers. Just like home, right?
2. Our bathroom has a shower and a tub. For once Heritage architects did something right. This is seriously nice--in an apartment of 6 girls, there are bound to be times when two people need to shower at the same time (especially on Sunday mornings). Someone can be showering in the shower, while the other can be showering in the tub.
3. One outlet in the bathroom. I guess I shouldn't be complaining--at home Mom and Dad's bathroom didn't even have an outlet at all until Dad put one in...but still. Come on--and nowadays practically all hairdryers have that mongo plug thing that covers both of the outlet openings...Sheesh. Let's just say I've blow-dryed and flat-ironed my hair in the kitchen before...multiple times...
4. Two couches. Wow, are we lucky. We stole the second one from the lobby and stuffed it in our kitchen, creating a more liveable living space and more conducive movie-watching area. So sneaky, those girls from Bowen 11.
4 Books I've Read Over 15 Times
1. The Boxcar Children
2. 1st Nephi. (Please don't ask me how many times I've finished 2nd Nephi...or the entire book of Mormon, for that matter.)
3. The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear. (15 times? Try fifty bajillion, thanks to Hezbollah)
4. Nancy Drew series. Oh dear.
4 Projects I Can't Seem To Finish (or start)
1. The quilt that Sister Petersen gave me. She hand-pieced it together and everything...and it's stuffed in a bag somewhere.
2. Moving out. I know, this is pathetic. But there are still boxes--in fact I believe there is a stack of 4 or 5 apple boxes right by the door--in my room with yearbooks, papers from high school, trophies, and a lot of other junk that I have accumulated throughout the years. I don't want to take all that stuff with me to college! But I don't know what to do with it. So why not leave it to clutter up Heather's room for a few more months, right? One of these days I'll find all of it in my Maid Bag and be cursing life...just like Becca warned me.
3. My scrapbook. Oh wait--I haven't even started. (Same goes for family history. I don't want to think about it. Denial is the way to go, as I always say.)
4. Getting all of my quotes organized and into one place. I have quite a nice collection from Seminary, Young Women lessons, and the LDS-Gems weekly quote emails, but it's just such a big job to get them all sorted by category and everything that...they are all just stuffed in a folder in my room (and in my quote folder in my Inbox). Oh well. Maybe a project for this summer?
4 Things That Made Me Cry
1. Getting my first, last, and only A- in high school. I hate Mr. Myrup. Okay, not anymore. But I did there for a while.
2. A Tale of Two Cities. Currently on my top 3 favorite book list.
3. Becca getting engaged
4. The Notebook
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I love lists. To do lists, grocery lists, classes to take next semester, things to get at the family’s, goals, Wilson quote lists, people to call, books to read, and boys I’ve kissed... Maybe it makes me feel more in control of my life. Maybe I like them because they aid me in procrastination: I feel productive because I have everything written down and organized, so let’s save the actual doing for tomorrow…or at least later today.
Procrastination is my sin
It brings me much great sorrow.
Alas! I must o'ercome it now!
(I think I'll start tomorrow . . .)
You might have noticed half of my blog entries are lists…it’s just so much easier. Anyway, today I’ve decided to post two lists. I actually had a lot of fun putting these together and keep adding things. Thanks to all who have commented and contributed to the list! :)
Things I Love:
reading for fun
missed calls on my phone
comments on my blog :)
getting up on the wakeboard for the first time
when class is cancelled
not having to be the one to make Friday night plans
eating at restaurants
Feegee weegee stories
family journals when I was in the cute stage
Special Times with Mom
nieces and nephews who rest their head on your shoulder when you're holding them
riding in the car at night
the smell of cinnamon
the smell of vanilla
Dad singing "Gutenacht" to us before bed
screaming in scary movies
barbeque chicken pizza
the burning bush in front of our house
head and shoulder massages
getting into bed early
watching Fiddler on the Roof
dinners with a 5 minute prep time
the lights at Temple Square
visiting Dad in his office
staying up late talking
being pleasantly surprised when I come out of the Testing Center and look at my score (unfortunately, this rarely happens)
sitting around in the dark after family prayer
And, since there must be opposition in all things:
Things I Don't Like:
scandalous comments on my blog
girls belting "O, Canada!" outside my window at 12:30 am
boys who read the "and I find more bitter than death the woman" verse in Ecclesiastes for their spiritual thought in Seminary
being bad at things
male chauvinist pigs
low test scores
Cork (evil of all evil games)
moths (or any other disgusting flying-crawling insect) in my hair
people who rip on Utah or "Utah Mormons"
scratching on chalkboards
sand between my toes
long fingernails (especially on boys)
pens that don't work
people who act like they know what they're talking about when they don't
being made fun of for being innocent/guillible
smelly kitchen washrags
Mormon movies like Singles Ward
overly friendly boys
feeling stupid and/or awkward
dirt under my nails
overflowing toilets (Becca can attest to this one)
the beeping walk signal with which the white man serenades me 24/7
bumping my funny bone
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
1. I love the taste of food WAY too much to want to re-experience it half-digested and combined with stomach acid, coming up the wrong way.
2. Who wants to spend half their life crouched over a toilet? (it's less than enlightening...and not very pleasant-smelling)
3. I'd like to keep my teeth white and decay-free, thank you.
4. I can't throw up quietly...although I certainly tried on Saturday.
5. The taste of throw-up.
Wow, and I just had the stomach flu. I suppose I'll become much more acquainted with the particulars during my first trimester of pregnancy. Good thing I have a few years to prepare myself to stomach it (no pun intended).
Thursday, October 18, 2007
1.She’s got such cute little feet, and never rubs it in when my big size 9 ½ shoes are next to her little 6’s.
2. She can produce a mean hairball [If you doubt the accuracy of this statement, invite her over to read her scriptures with you around 10pm. As sure as the sun rises each day, she’ll whip a hairy one up before the chapter’s done. But she always keeps it in a nice, clean ball.
3. She can take out a package of Life cereal in a week. And if she doesn’t have Life on hand, she can live off a piece of toast, or three, per morning. Or maybe 5 pieces of pizza if Edna Maturlo isn’t watching.
4. Two words: gorgeous hair.
5. She knows all the good studying places in the HBLL, and could probably find her way to the Law Library from her dorm room blindfolded.
I can't stop now, I'm on a roll!
6. She’s generous with her meal plan, and constantly supplies her siblings with Creamery food.
7. She’s NEVER bought an item from a vending machine, even on campus with her meal plan card. [And probably never told a lie, or chewed with her mouth open.]
8. “But my socks are getting wet….but they’re wet.” Classic cute little Suzy. Boys: don’t ask her on a date to make caramel apples. Just trust me. We’ve got proof.
9. If you're too out of shape to get your two kids in a bike trailer up 9th east, she'll gladly bike them up for you. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
10. She's so great with the kiddies.
Hang in there, Suzy. We love you.
PS--Honk if you think Suzy's great. Or just leave a comment on this post.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The big news of last week was that the basement in Bowen Hall flooded. One of the other apartments had a clogged drain that somehow resulted in the flooding of their apartment, the laundry room, and the beginnings of flooding in our apartment. Funny thing is, none of us in Apt 11 even noticed the tub and shower were filling up with dark brown murky water with who knows what floating in it. (Insert: We're not completely dense, though--it was 11:45 pm on a Saturday night, and most normal college students are gallavanting about Provo at that time.) Luckily Jessie, our RA, was on top of it and called emergency maintenance. While they were fixing the drain in the other apartment, the girls upstairs kindly let us use their bathroom to get ready for bed. And pretty soon the water level went down and all the water--if you can call a nasty-smelling putrescence of a molasses-colored liquid "water"--drained back into the sewage pipes. And, aside from the soaking wet carpet in the hallway, everything was back to normal.
All the water drained back into the pipes, but unfortunately not all the interesting artifacts and floating mysteries that emerged with the water were able to make the return trip down the drain.
Being the girls we are, we took a picture to verify this was actually happening, but I think your imagination will do just fine for this one. Suffice it to say it was disGUSting. BLEGH. Thankfully, Kristen took the initiative (which initiative was dearly needed since our dear friends on maintenance weren't coming until Monday morning to clean the carpet or our bathroom). The tub, which is separate from the shower, was relatively kind to us; its gift to us for the night was just some gritty sand in the tub. We weren't so lucky with the shower. Kristen, with the stoic attitude of a classical hero, splashed water on the walls of the shower to at least get the gunk condensed into a soggy pile on the floor of the shower.
Then it was my turn.
Armed with rubber gloves (heaven-sent from Kristen's parents), I rolled up my pants.
I plugged my nose.
I took a deep breath, thinking of Dad, who I knew would pick this stuff up with his teeth without a second thought. That thought pushed me over the edge.
Scooping up the odorous goop, soggy pieces of toilet paper, stringy hair, and other unmentionables, I wondered why the heck anyone in their right mind would be a plumber. Beats me.
Let's just say that either my husband will snake all of our drains himself or we hire a plumber. Period. That is just one place I will not go.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Who ever said you needed words to communicate?
Saturday, September 22, 2007
"The standardized power of periodic signal change at the frequency of alternation between the control and activation conditions was estimated by fitting a sinusoidal regression model, by means of an iterated least squares procedure, to the movement-corrected time functional MRI series at each voxel."
This one's a little better:
"This map was thresholded to generate a set of spatially contiguous three-dimensional clusters of suprathreshold voxel statistics, and the sum of suprathreshold voxel statistics in each cluster was tested against its sampled permutation distribution under the null hypothesis of zero group effect with a twotailed p value of <0.01>."
If anyone has any clue what the heck that means (or what the author was smoking when she wrote it), please let me know, because I most certainly don't. Until then, I'll be hanging out at the library, sweating buckets to get through a mere three page essay and hopefully walk away with some (I'll even take any) level of comprehension whatsoever.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
My recent accomplishments are quite nerdy and somewhat lengthily described below, so feel free to skim (or skip). However, I am proud of them in a motherly sort of way.
I discovered the library. The Harold B. Lee Library and I are pretty tight these days. Sometimes I go to visit Kim in the Family History Library but she's never there. And it's usually freezing cold in there, although the computers are usually open (which is a definite plus). Oh, and don't forget the old people that talk really loud when they a) get really excited about some new finding or b) can't figure out how to open the Internet browser. So I tried out the Periodicals section. I'm sure I was more excited than the first man who discovered gold at Sutter's mill. This place was amazing. It's difficult to explain...the absolute quietness was a definite plus from the stupid little white walk man who beeps all night long through my window... Granted, there were only fifteen other people there...and it was 6:00 pm on a Friday night...but when I unzipped my backpack a thunderous roar filled the room. I got so into my homework that I actually read too far in my textbook! When I realized this, I was annoyed that I needed to go on to other homework--I kept wanting to learn about art concepts (how nerdy is that). Wow. I actually have yet to re-experience this amazing solitude amongst the Periodicals, because during the day about a gazillion people are in there too. This week, though, I made a discovery that is giving the good ol' HBLL a run for its money: the Law Library! A mere two steps from Bowen Hall, I can run over there after dinner and sneak in an hour or two of more studying. Plus, I feel smarter there: someone might even think I'm a law student (or so I fantasize). The only problem with these two libraries is the lack of printing abilities I face. Yeah, I guess I could go put money on my card so I could print stuff. But I'm always looking for a good excuse to interrupt studying, so a "quick" stop at Dad's office couldn't hurt, right? Dad gives me food, encouragement, printer usage, and hugs. I feel important when I visit him, and I do believe I'll be a frequent visitor the next ten years (or longer, depending on how long it takes me to pick a major).
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Oh and FYI, just make sure the management doesn't think you're related to an employee and you might get decent service.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
a) a cell phone
b) a lap top
c) a social life
It's all good, though, and hopefully at least one or all of those things will be forthcoming...hint, hint, dad? Okay, I'm off to class, just wanted to update you all. I'll try to post often, but there aren't any guarantees since I'll always have to be doing it at the library.
Oh, and I'm living in Heritage Halls and love it. I think I will get along well with my roommates, for the most part... Funny story: Last night I was working at Brick Oven. I told my roommate that my shift was scheduled from 5-10, but when I get off varies depending on how many people go out to eat. Anyway, I got off around 10:30 or 10:45, and headed over to Becca and Jordan's really quick to talk about my audition, eat some dinner and cosas. I got back to the dorm around 11:20, and my roommates were practically in a panic worrying about me! I guess they just kept thinking about that BYU student who is missing... Anyway, since I don't have a phone, they only had my home phone number at my family's, so they called my dad and told him I hadn't come home from work and they were worried... He told them he'd take care of it, hung up, and...did nothing. :) Thanks, Dad. Honestly, though, I think it's hilarious that they were so worried. And Dad knows that sometimes I get home at midnight because everyone and their dog wants to eat at Brick Oven (don't ask me why, it's definitely not because of the normal managers), so he wasn't worried either. Ha!
Monday, September 03, 2007
The tsunami, gathering momentum, hurls itself toward the beach. It smashes closed doors and obliterates entire walls; palm trees, automobiles, and sunbathers succumb to its chilling embrace.
Poverty gives the unprepared a reality check. It tears apart families. It tears apart lives. Once it's lured you unconsciously into its lair, it's like climbing up an escalator going down...in a wheelchair. Other times, poverty pounces on the unfortunate as a cat on a mouse.
On a lighter note, lest you think I am morbid all of the time:
Surprise is lime green
An exploding balloon
The mystery flavor in a bag of Skittles
Freshly bought wrapping paper
A swiftly concealed glance
The suspense before a rollercoaster starts.
And my personal favorite:
Hope is the pale yellow of a full moon
A chickadee's song on a cloudless morning
French Vanilla ice-cream that half melts on the spoon
The cherry blossoms in the backyard
A smile amidst scowls
The reason to live another day.
Not too shabby? I obviously didn't think they were too bad, or I wouldn't have posted them... Anyway, if you have a minute please let me know what you think, which one is your favorite, etc. I'd love to hear any suggestions or comments that you have!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Things that I like about college:
Hmmm…well, let’s start with the other end of the spectrum first.
Things that I don’t like about college:
-Girls whose main goals at BYU this semester are the following:
a) become the Relief Society President
b) break the record for the longest time spent in front of a mirror
c) make sure everyone knows how spiritual they are
d) be stupid (this definitely includes but is not limited to shrieking at the jokes of the nearest male in order to get his attention)
e) have a social life and only a social life…who needs an education anyway? What a bore…
--Roommates who are selfish and don’t even want to keep dishes together
--The necessity of having your key on you every time you leave your dorm (not to mention if you lose it--or in my case "when you lose it"--you're thirty freaking bucks in the hole)
--The stress of cooking, or of trying to when all you have are cheerios, fruit loops, and powdered milk
--Feeling guilty that you’ve been officially “moved out” for a mere 30 hours and you’ve already gone home twice
--Carpet that makes your feet black
--Mooching cheese off your parents when you come home
--Fast and testimony meetings where there’s a line ten people deep thirty seconds after the time has been opened up for testimonies
--Sunday School lessons that aren’t good because they’re taught by someone your own age who has never even read 1 Corinthians
Okay, back to Things that I like about college:
Well, let's just say that I'm still working on this one. I have a nice quilt on my bed...that's pathetic. Obviously, as you can see, I'm just a little disillusioned with the whole social aspect of my oh-so-mature freshman ward. As Janel always says, if life gives you lemons, make lemon juice, right? The only problem is, I'm still looking for the recipe... Which reminds me I forgot to pack any cookbooks or even a single recipe...
I will henceforth be taking donations for my laptop so I can look up www.allrecipes.com from my apartment so I don't starve. Please be generous.